I didn't mean to access those feelings tonight. Ancient comedy catalyst. A couple of hours from now I won't be here anyway. Spider on my steering wheel. Some sorta symbolism from Him again. Found another freckle on me too she said she thought she had already. There's a fog predicted, cold rolling over the West hills, accidents in her circuit bent basement, the false 70s. Are we recurring? Payments dirt, some pave over earth, earthen kiss cause I'm drunk in the back of my heart. Where did I hear the wifi’s cursed? Streamed down a lazy wild water West a hundred thousand memories again. Carlee, Carson, Cardoor against my forehead. I won't say the word because you don't know what it means. Don’t want to. Russian nests for my stupidity. Another hundred thousand except of something else. Expecting nothing is an expectation in your lack of faith requires belief. Here’s to the toasted thanks for being tried by trying. And I didn't so I won't until I will. Well? We wait, weighted, wondering into what was to be after. You know I'm so not into endings, never experienced the real one. I bet once the ones after me see me go through it, this will achieve something else outside ourselves. I didn't mean to access those feelings tonight.

Two questions with T/F answers I. you’re jumping to life again inside me for the fifth time in two days: this time it is feeling wine steam up into my sinuses, on the weird parts of my tongue that only doctors and you have seen & poked at & one bottle of Tisdale Cabernet Sauvignon is five dollars somewhere close by, you pull four times from it and pull out of my driveway. A) sleep two blocks from here, im holding Tisdale upside down over my sink with the hot water running & my face is full of u. B) lose another pill jar inside my house’s mounds of wax, keep my sweatpants for another week even though i need those when our A/C drops to 67, i owe you twenty bucks for your friend’s lost pipe & i promise i’ll have that soon. / Dear Lyndsey, i remember when, i remember when i lost my mind also in the car on the way to the Sioux Empire State Fair there was something so pleasant about that place and Gnarls Barkley on the radio mid-2006 sang that pop hit out of sync with me out of character completely even your emotions had an echo in that space realizing i’m soon to be out of place too so why not burst into song when you're out there without care, yeah, i was out of touch and it was easy and obvious and Cody liked you so much as much as a boy can at that awkward age of almost turning into something else and it wasn’t an accident that this occurred between us the last time i ever saw you and could and it wasn't an accident out there with that unseen motive with that unseen nation with that unseen hunt with that unseen target and i can’t believe that now i think it’s crazy, but maybe i’m crazy, and reality is screaming i love you, i’m screaming it to your sister and Megan as we ride the thrilling machine between Lights / II. we didn’t canoe in chattanooga or eat lentils at the yellow deli, i keep mistaking what feels like morning not being real for you slipping out of my brain– by noon it is a lie, i loved you in eleven rooms & i’m counting wrong. i’ve ceremoniously shot fireworks three times this summer & the last time was yesterday: you sparked & smoked on the bridge in front of me, i knocked you into the water with a belt of firecrackers that didn’t go off. spraypaint your name down the back of my shirt before i light u again, watch u go to the sky & water, explode above & in my mouth like winesteam A) TRUE B) you cannot be slept off or rubbed over with a drug, you cannot get lost inside me yet because digesting you is making my guts turn over like a sleeping horse. date me in the pawn shop with two monkeys, an illegal kangaroo, a left-handed guitar u haven’t bought yet. strike two G major chords & help me almost die on hope’s porch, it is wide & well lit like 5 months of knowing u were good to me

My chest seafloor slow dust picked up repeatedly exhaling pit-fallen goodness gracious actually and with anchors aweigh written correctly my first-brain stomach gut leads wholeheartedly that new kind of staircase indirectionally prayer like unceasing knee-bent-elbow-sole-fully woven grid wetted ash space leech identity and no word needs to be expressive without me being the foremost first last most within proximity pronoun adjective exclamation exhalation to thee yes she, yes she, yes she, again Joycean yessingly / shaken up inside a t shirt of yours, lay me down one hundred thirty one minutes into paying rent, doubling back, paying forward, sprayed to your leathers like a stoned gloss, let me move slowly, sore-bodied apology, mouth dancing in the furs of this, doing what i do when i say too many sentences in a row, wondering about my hospitalized granddad and if i’m here without a drug, fastened into borrowed shirt hangs over stain while i shake & imagine requesting a service dog >Admission frequently, quickly feel like a needer, teeming leaner seen dipping out to unhandle, loosen and worsen during tomorrow’s oversobering retrospect, God playing guest host when i wake up and need Him, warm with you, palpitating, jostled Sometimes loving will feel like knowing.

Can on demand, won’t though, wanted to share, couldn’t yet, and we are together in the new flesh from the fallen fruits of fathers, you and you and euphemisms for misunderstanding and spelling ourselves incorrectly. Wander around the looted roots of invisible pasts. We are here together in the old way, realer, reeling for the touch of sweat or proximal humidity of us in a too small, good enough room. Sharing moments is what. Is what we are togethering in the current washer. And then: / { . . . }

freestyle

curve the bullet i'm somewhere else now can't until it means nothing don't remember my dream but were in it i waited forever to be the age i am now